breakingfreedotorg

What Do You Do?

08 Aug 2011 2 Comments

by Cecile in Rants & Ravings.. Truths & Honesty..

I write. At least that’s what my soul does, what it cries out to do. It’s a vital part of who I am, what I have to offer. This is what I am meant to do.

I write.

This is me, singing to you without sound. This is my slow dance, this is my truth. To say I do anything else, regardless of what I do to pay the bills, would be a lie. I have come to know myself in this past year and a half in a way I have never been conscious of before. Having had the time to gain clarity, to learn to express the noise in my head and become more aware of this underlying ability to articulate my soul, has granted me new life.

These are my words. I offer them to you freely to do with what you will. Take them or leave them, so be it. I no longer carry them inside of me, choosing instead to give them freedom. It’s what I yearn to do, these words, feverishly scorching their way through me. Flowing over like a fountain, in me and around me, embracing me and seducing me. I can no longer hold them in, they rise up from a place I cannot name, spewing the light as well as the venom I carry deep within. Erupting from my depths.. At times they tickle, bubbling up sweetly as they do, like a lovely Moscato d’Asti. Sometimes they gag and burn, forcing their way down on paper like a harsh bar house whiskey. Either way, gentle or rough, pain or pleasure, I relish the experience. I delight in the feel of them at either extreme and everywhere in between. I couldn’t hold them back in if I wanted to. And I don’t.

I have found an outlet, a way of touching the deepest parts of my being, my existence. To explore and know myself like never before.. I am cradling my soul, my essence, treating it like a long-lost lover. Accessing such profound wells of emotion and sensation I never knew were possible. These words, they flow like liquid across the page, damp & heavy, sung like siren calls in my mind, and I am powerless to resist. They demand to be heard. This is my voice and I can finally hear what it has been saying for so long. There is no more noise, no more screaming in my head. Just a peaceful inner serenity unlike any I’ve ever experienced; a deep and abiding quiet, a stillness in my heart. I no longer bear this weight in my chest, and I feel lighter than air. I am letting go.. A pen and paper are where I’ve learned to fly. Can you see me? Can you see me soaring high above the clouds, an eagle taking flight? I can see so much from here, everything is so much clearer, pure and raw. The things I now choose to focus on can become so different, so new. Oh! The possibilities of a life untethered! The giddy warmth of this new knowledge rushes up to greet me in every waking moment. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to experience. So much to write about! Where do I begin? Every moment has become an opportunity to discover something new about who I am.  I cherish the process of learning what thrills me, what enrages me, what fills me with sadness, what makes my heart echo with joy and my spirit swell with laughter. What makes my body and soul cry out in pain or cry out for more.. I am hungry.., hungry to discover the answers to all these secrets of who I am. Even those dark, ominous, unwelcoming caverns within me.. Those I want to come to know and understand the most.

These words I string together, forming images so clear, so lingering, as if they had always existed within you.. Like seeds taking root, so deep that where I end and you begin are almost indistinguishable. God & Goddess, they feel so good, I can barely take it. These things, these sensations, emotions I have access to. Do you feel how powerfully they reverberate through me? Can I affect you as they affect me? Allow me to show you how they make me feel.. The simple joy and power of these words run down the length of my spine, and dance onto my page. My skin crackles with the electricity of it. I am alive with energy. I am riding their wave, open and flowing, receptive and penetrating. Taking it all in and giving back with everything I have.. No half moments, no distractions, just the excitement of what’s to come. These words, like an experienced lover, have their hands all over me. Tantalizing, making love to me even better than I do myself.. Offering such a deep, profound climax unlike anything physical I’ve ever encountered. They combine to create an event more earth shattering than I ever realized was possible. Climbing the crest, riding high on the combined energy created by my body and inner soul peaking at once.. Who knew? Who knew this kind of pleasure even existed?  I am in awe of the sensations, of the experience, rocking me to my very core. Leaving me shaken and spent until the next wave begins, over and over again until I can no longer think clearly and all I can do is FEEL. If this isn’t the divine, this exquisite union of mind and body and soul that befalls me whenever I pick up my pen, if this isn’t the purpose of our inhabiting this crazily chaotic earth, then I will never know what is.

My thoughts dance with each other, taking turns leading; leaping with effortless grace from my lips, my hands, onto the page. A ballet of words, artfully arranged to my vibrant choreography. Will you dance with them? Will you dance with me? I have so much to teach you and so much to learn from you. Become my partner. Step by step, let’s sway to the rhythms we can create, not only with our bodies but with our minds and souls as well. Open yourself to me and I will open myself to you.. Let us see what grand masterpiece we can manifest together. I am allowing you to see into me. Let me see into you.. Show me what you have hidden, even if you’re not quite sure what that might be. I promise to hold you, to cradle your secrets and your soul, to cherish and care for them as deeply as I do my own. Trust me, open to me.. Find your release with me. How do you speak from your soul? What are you drawn to at night, all alone, behind closed doors? What do you do when no one is watching? What excites you, what gives you that searing rush of heat deep in your core? What elicits passion in you, what sets you on fire? Do you allow yourself access to that within you? Have you ever truly submitted to it, reeled with it, let yourself be rocked by the magnitude and depths with which we can actually feel? How do you create your own truth? In what manner does it flow from you? Do you draw, bringing life to the budding images flowering in your mind? Do you sing or paint? Do you see or speak through the eyes of a camera lens, capturing preciously elusive flashes of time on film? Perhaps you release the throbbing pulse of your being through words and write, as I do. Maybe numbers hold more appeal for you, sequences flowing from your mind onto paper or computer screen. Do you run or box, hammering out your own private beat with every plant of your foot or fist? Do you play an instrument, possibly pounding out the music of your soul’s rhythm to the thumping clash of your drums, guitar or piano?  Do you find that aching and tender outlet by preparing fine meals or baking, or through giving a grand performance on a stage? Infinite, limitless ways of expressing yourself exist if only you choose to seek them out. Ask yourself, what draws you in the deepest? What fills you, nurtures you, feeds you? If you find these questions are struggling to be answered then I implore you to take the time to explore yourself. Throw open every locked door. All of the keys exist within you and the journey of their discovery is so very sweet.

For within you lies a secret.. A budding, undeniable truth that longs to be heard.. Have you been listening? If you have, then I send you all of my affection and encouragement as you continue to unleash and revel in the powers and gifts you hold. May you find beauty and strength in them & in doing so become a source of strength and beauty for others. If not, if your inner longing has gone unheeded, the time has come to gather into stillness and listen with all your might. Speak from your soul, endeavor to find your own unique way of giving it voice and allow it to delicately begin whispering in your ear. Let its quiet hum build in volume, swelling, surging, a stunning symphony of sound. Let it echo and resonate, reaching higher and higher until you hear, see and feel the unbearably delicious power of its crescendo. What do you need to say, what do you have to show me? What have you been trying to impart, what have you been carrying or suppressing? The time has come to let it all go; here in your very own enlightened land of milk and honey, give in to the luscious release of freedom. Gaze out at the world with new, ravenous eyes and begin speaking your truth. I am listening..

So…? I write. What do you do?